Boy? Crying?

I was sitting in class the other day, minding my own business (or rather, writing as fast as I can to keep up with the prof.), when I saw a male creature crying. It was weird. I got uncomfortable. He kept rubbing at his eyes, and every once in a while, his face would crumple and he'd cover it. It was scary, almost. I felt so bad, just being there and not being able to do something. (I wanted to give him a hug...but never fear, I held back ;) )

And I got to thinking (as I sometimes do). Why is it that we it's so much worse when guys cry then when girls do? I guess it's something to do with the whole masculinity thing..they try so hard not to show emotions that if something leaks through, it must be pretty bad.

It reminded me of a funeral I once went to (one of my first). It was a girl in my school, who had an anurism and suddenly died. I didn't realize the gravity of the situation until my principal stood up to be מספיד. And he started to cry. My unshakeable, infallable, pricipal...crying! Suddenly I realized how awful it was that this girl had been struck so young...

I don't know. I don't really have much to say about it. It was just a thought that struck me and I've been thinking about it. It affected me...so I'm sharing it.

Why am I writing? I've finished an essay. I really should be doing research for my 7 pg. paper due on Rosh Hashana or my thesis...but I'm just gonna blog a bit before I disappear again. 'Cause...well...I'm an official quintessential nerd! ;)

Sakrfys: Get Out

Incidentally, my favorite ;)
'Cause I WANNA move to Omaha!

Ain't it comfortable to live in a big community,
Shuls and Touros every corner, and we're right near the city,
We got pizza falafel, Italian and Chinese,
Ice cream, candy stores, Mendy's and Dougie's.
This is Gan Eden on Earth - what an opportunity

Got my choice of Daf Yomi shiur morning and night,
Where to send the kids to school, wife and I get to fight,
It's like a ghetto where we live, every house another Yid,
You think we'd all be friends in the neighborhid,
But we don't even know the people living next door to our right.

Is this what the Aibishter really wants from me?
To sit here in my ghetto community...
I could be sharing and caring for Jews round the country,
Don't be selfish, live more sacrificially!

Get out of New York, New Jersey, LA, Chicago,
Toronto, Montreal, London, sayinara!
Move out to Edmonton, Charleston, Oakland, Omaha,
You wanna waste your life away or reach a Jew that's far?
They're all or brothers and sisters,
It ain't about survival of the fittest,
(If you wanna do His ratzon ultimately,
You gotta give up some of life's luxuries)
Go and make a difference - sheves achim gam yachad.

Meanwhile our fellow Jews are dropping off the radar,
While we're here enjoying our fire-poppers and potatoes,
We're losing more and more, more and more, more and more, more and more,
Brothers and sisters - they ain't gonna wait-a,
That's it, I'm off help the Jews, keep the change, see ya later.

Don't gotta be a rabbi, rebbe or schochtor,
There's loads of rooms for lawyers, therapists and doctors.
Just think of the impact you'll make - it's a piece of cake,
It won't be for naught, just living in our courts,
On a faraway brother, maybe Christopher Schwartz.

The disclaimer is one of the best parts of the song, but you have to buy the CD (which, by the way, looks like a vinyl record) to see it ;)

Why, Why WHY???

I see the negativity, the cynicism.
It could come abruptly, but sometimes it grows slowly.
"They don't care, hypocrites, selfish, two-faced..."
Why do we perpetuate this?
Can't we HONOR Hashem's Name?

Defeated sigh..
Please?

I'm sick of hearing the bad stories. Can't there be some good ones? Why don't the inspired ones speak up...wait...they ARE doing it!
It's zeh l'umas zeh in this world. There's gotta be a lotta good somewhere if there's so much bad.
It's just a matter of finding it...and I'm IY"H going to see the film next week.

Ktav Publishing?

Does anyone know about this publishing house? I was looking at some of their books, and am definately interested in them, but does anyone know anything about them?

Random Fact.

I'm doing a mini-thesis this semester on Hebrew printing-truly fascinating!

Did you know that there was only one printer in Portugal from 1489-1493 and he was Jewish? His name is given as simply "Rabbi Eliesar."
(Then there was that issue where they got expelled, so he had to leave...)

Beloved Daughter - Sakrfys

I am a King writing a letter to a daughter that ran away from me.
Hoping that this will eventually find her and she will return back to me.
Dearest precious child, I wanna be close to you, I want it to be like it was before.
In the hardest situation, full of pains and tribulations, it is you I'll never ignore.

Please come back to me, join me for eternity.
I know it sounds crazy.
I know it's not easy.

But you need to know why,
Why I need you by my side,
Why you seem to terrified,
Why you seem so petrified.

Coz I know why,
Why you ran away,
From before my eyes on that early month of May.
You were mixed up, didn't understand,
You were running into a no-man's land.

Not knowing where to turn,
Not knowing who to ask for directions.
Not knowing if they're real, not knowing if they're illusions.
Not knowing what is true, not knowing what to believe in.

But My door is open for anyone here,
Anyone who wishes to live,
All you got to do is walk up the steps and be ready for the love to give.

Speaking of Honesty....

I'm all proud of myself, so I'll toot my own horn. I had an essay to write (yes, school has officially begun) for a teacher that I'd had two years ago. It was a different class, but he had assigned the same essay. Being the packrat that I am, I still had it. I know, I checked. But I didn't use it, 'cause it wouldn't be honest. Instead, I spent about 2 and 1/2 hours writing a new one.

I'm proud of me, and I know He is, too :)

You Take Jesus, I'll Take G-d

My return to university after a relaxing and enjoyable summer semester was a bit shocking. I walked onto campus the first day, and, although I'd been warned about them, it was quite unnerving to see the lovely people in their "Jews for Jesus" t-shirts...

As a rule, I'm pretty tolerant in terms of other religions. Judaism is not one that requires making the whole world follow it (although we do strongly suggest that people who are Jews look into their heritage before giong elsewhere ;) ), and is probably the only religion like that. I was talking to my Partner in Torah the other night, and we came to the conclusion that it's a matter of self-esteem. We're confident enough in our religion that we don't need to proove ourselves right by making others convert. In fact, we tell would-be converts to think it over. Again. And again.

But, hey. Some people want to spread their message around the world, and that's their perogative! But here's the rub...

I spoke to the lady. We both had fixed smiles on our face while she told me the verse in Genesis that proves Jesus's divinity or Messiahship...or something. I asked her if she had a Hebrew Bible to see if we could actually discuss the verse, but, quite unsurprisingly, she didn't. (I then brought a Tanach to school every day after that-except today, when I forgot, and they came back :( ) I looked up the verse. It doesn't fly. At all. (3:14-16...Jesus apparantly struck the serpent, and therefore is prophesized in Genesis...um...what about the serpent striking him at the end of the verse? And how is he THE "son of Eve"? Huh? HUH???)

So I took a pamphlet and told her I'd go look up the passage and get back to her. And THEN I got mad. The pamphlet was about how Moses didn't go to yeshiva, married a shiksa [sic], grew up in an Egyptian household, and STILL became a leader of the Jewish people. And so, apparantly, did the poster boy "Yeshua" But the point in this and another pamphlet I saw was to show the reader that the Orthodox way of living is pointless and cruel and thoughtless and...grrrrrrrr. Um. Hi. I'm Orthodox. I don't hate all non-Orthodox. I don't pronounce them dead, "like a snuffed candle," just 'cause I'm in the mood.

The methods they practice use deception and destruction. Deception, by using verses mistranslated and out of context to those who've never heard of them before. Destruction, by sowing the seeds of hate toward a community of Jews in order to preach their "love."

So I have one message for you people: Do your own thing. I don't care. But stay away from MY people. Unless you can give them a truly logical answer, showing all the evidence (not just that which suits your case), stay away. Get out and stay out.

And for all you people who wanna know what we should be doing? Redt mit Yidden!

[For those interested parties:
In general, classes are good-TONS of work, but no surprise there...;) and it was a REALLY good thing that I had that practice with Harrius Potter! ;)]

Mazal Tov Mindy!!

May the little one be zoche to grow to come to Torah, to Chupa, and to Ma'asim Tovim!! :) (Not necessarily in that order ;) )

Soldiers of G-d

This photo is by Jodi Klinetsky Sugar. It's on the wall to my room and I absolutely love it. The title is by her as well. It's beautiful, no? :)

Sakrfys: Open up to Heaven

I really thought today
That there was no way
For us to change the way we are.

Let's take a look around,
Anything goes and no one frowns,
Everyone's happy in the wrong way.

The life we have is so real,
The challenge of it makes us feel
Like giving it up and living the easy way.

We gotta open up to Heaven,
we gotta put our trust in Him.
He wants to hear our prayers,
He really wants us to join Him.

We cannot live this way,
We gotta change the day
From a failure to a victory.

We gotta open up to Heaven,
we gotta put our trust in Him.
He wants to hear our prayers,
He really wants us to join Him.

שמע קולנו ה אלקנו
חוס ורחם עלנו
וקבל ברחמים וברצון
את תפילתנו

שמע קולנו ה אלקנו
חוס ורחם עלנו
וקבל ברחמים וברצון
את תפילתנו

...from disproving what I felt today.

Do You Want to Know?

It's something I've thought about a lot recently. There are so many bad things going on. A young yeshiva buchor from London, engaged to be married, is stabbed to death in the Old City. People desecrate the Name of Hashem. People cry. People get sick. People hurt other people.

Do you want to know? Would you rather remain blissfully oblivious to all those things that you can't do anything about?

Knowing creates responsibility. If you know something's wrong, it's up to YOU to fix it.

Are you up to that terrifying challange?

I don't know if I am. I'm scared of the world.

יהודי לא מגרש יהודי

We've heard the quote so often in the past few weeks, with the traumas of the disengagement and the constant rallying against it. People dressed in orange waved flags with this mantra, yelled and cried it to the soldiers, and used it as their motto.

But look a little deeper. Literally translated, the phrase means "A Jew does not expel a Jew." Does this only mean physically? Are there times when a Jew spiritually expels another Jew? When a Jew makes an impression on another Jew that causes them to run from Judaism because what they see is hypocritical or inconsistant? When the cruelty of one person 'expels' others?

I think it's a really good mantra. I think it's something we should continue holding up, regardless of how the disengagement turns out. This applies to us all over the world.

So, physically, spiritually, emotionally:
A Jew DOES NOT expel a Jew.

Or at least they shouldn't :(

Sakrfys: Sibling Rivalry

Your way's wrong and my way's right,
When are you gonna see the light?
You call y'self frum, y'aint even Yiddish.
Too modern, too black, Yeshivish, Chassidish.

Which yeshiva did you learn i?
Which seminary did you say?
Who's your rebbe and what's your hashkofo?
Are you bichlal worth my time of day?

Oh Hashem, you hate this rubbish,
It makes You kavyochal sick to the stomach
We are all Your kinderlach
Harbeh drochim laMakom....

I don't care what kippa you wear.
You are my brother love me if you dare.
It's okay whatever nusach you pray.
Hashem hears us all, to Him there's many ways

We are all brothers, Hashem is our Father
Let's make Him proud, respect one another.
We have different paths, can still have the love,
We are all children of the above...

[GO BUY IT!]

I learn...

I learned three things this past Thursday. There was a goodbye party for one of my co-workers, and I started to understand why people have "issues" in the "real world"

1. I left my lunch at home. There was lots of food-bagels, cream cheese (3 different kinds), tons of cake and cookies, muffins...basically, I could have made up for lunch and dinner! But...I ended up going to the store and buying potato chips and an apple juice for lunch. Why? Hmmm...'cause I keep kosher. And the food wasn't. It wasn't even a question of whether I would eat it or not. And after I helped set up, I washed my hands off instead of licking my fingers like everyone else. 'Twas interesting to learn that about myself. I wish I had that kind of self-control when it came to dieting! ;)

Since I wasn't eating, I did a lot of watching. I noticed that people do a lot of hugging. Or rather, the guy who was leaving did. Leaving aside shomer negi'ah issues, it was interesting to watch. The women usually were fine with it, but the guys most certainly were not. You have to understand-this guy is an older fellow, really friendly to everyone, and he was genuinely sad about having to leave everyone-the hugs were truly sincere on his end-but it was interesting how some people were really uncomfortable about it (including myself...but I don't touch unrelated guys as a rule, so it's different). Most of them just gave a kind of loose, half-hearted hug, but one guy actually jumped out of the hug and stepped about 3-4 feet away from the hugger to continue his conversation with him. It was almost like he was trying to proove that even though he participated in a hug, he was still manly and non-emotional.

I mentioned that he was really friendly. He's amazing. He's the kind of guy that knew everyone's name, and remembered them from forever ago. So many people came from all over for his goodbye party-because made an effort to be friendly to everyone he met. He always said hi to people-but not just a hurried "hi" flung over his shoulder. It was a "Hi, Jennifer, how was your mother's surgery?" and then he would actually stop and focus on the answer. He cared enough about people to learn about them, and thereby left his mark.

It's lihavdil like the story of R' Yaakov Kaminetzky, where the nuns from the nearly abbey came to his funeral, because he used to say "Good morning" to them as he passed them every day. It made such an impression that they realized that he was a very special man and wanted to be there to say goodbye to him.

The way you talk to people is SO important!! This obviously extends onto blogs. PLEASE be careful with what you say and how you say it. Think a little!! The impression you make is lasting, and you are responsible for it. And it takes so little to create hatred or love....

Capture the Moment

At one of my jobs, I have to take old newspaper photographs (as in photos that were used in a newspaper-not the newspaper itself), identify them, and assign keywords to them (so one doing a search for "ballerinas" will be able to find photos of them).

It's really fascinating work, and I've learned a few lessons. I'm working with pictures from the first half of the 20th century, a time far removed from now...it's fascinating to see the differences in priorities. The pictures from 1939-1945 don't show grisly photos of men bleeding and dying, but rather portraits of handsome young men dressed proudly in their uniforms, off to do service to their country, or of ostentatiously decorated officers shaking hands or speaking or looking at maps with other decorated officers. The portraits of soldiers...there aren't usually captions that go with these pictures, just names. Were they in the paper because they recieved a Purple Cross for saving a fellow soldier's life? Or was it a death notice? Killed in action...

Another thing that struck me were the many many pictures of screen "legends." I wonder where they are now.. The dashing bachelor and the ravishing maiden, the world-renowned soprano, are (if they're still alive) old, perhaps in nursing homes, no longer able to hold a fork on their own. Certainly not out wooing everyone in sight, their looks faded.

All I see is the picture. I make up my own story...but sometimes I wonder-what happened to the people?

Did You Notice?

Tu B'Av was on Shabbos Nachamu. I just found that in'erestin.'

New music!

Lvnsm27 introduced me to a new Jewish band called Sakrfys. (Or maybe they're not new, I'd just never heard about them before ;) ). They play secular style alternative (so my very wise sister says ;) ), pretty good music, I think. But the point is their message, which is absolutely beautiful.

Lemme know what you think!

Note: I am not writing anymore about Gaza. I can't. I have this thing inside me...I just can't talk about it anymore, and I'm not even sure how I feel about it anymore...except sad. It's too painful. So I'm gonna blog about other random stuff. But לבי במזרח. But look at the pics Joe Settler put up about the amazing Jews helping other amazing Jews in the Old City.

Evictor and Evicted

As long as they realize that they're sisters, there's hope.

250,000 People!!

All davening together at the Kosel for Rachamim. Whatever happens in the next week, we'll need lots of rachamim and siyata dishmaya. Go look at the video. It's absolutely beautiful. Breathtaking. All kinds of Jews, dressed in all different colors, as Jews are wont to do. But all davening. That's all. No riots, no shouting, just the soul of a nation lifting its voice up to the only One who can help.

Edit: Read a first hand account at House of Joy.