Friday, April 08, 2005

An answer for Stx

This is an al regel achas (on one foot) reply to Stx's comment on my rant a few posts ago.

"What do people say to you, random people, that makes you NOT feel like that?"
It's funny. It always starts the same-asking what I'm doing, etc. The people who make me feel comfortable are the ones that are, I suppose, idealists like me. They hear what I'm doing and encourage rather than critique. They think about what I'm saying and share what they know with me, rather than judging me. (And yes, we all think that people judge us, and probably most of the time they aren't, but it still feels like that)

"Have you ever met someone who just made you feel comfortable? Made you NOT feel fake, but at the same time not stripped of your mask--because you never needed to put it on in the first place?"
Um...yes/no. It's a loaded question. I guess I should split it, but I'm not sure how. There are people that make me comfortable. I'm just not quick to trust. Even my close relationships are ones that grew from superficial (yes, dear) to real. I always keep the mask on at first, because I (like most people) fear hurt. I don't want to expose who I really am upon first meeting someone, because I put too much store on what other people think. There are times when I drop the mask quicker, though. And there're people that I've known for years that still don't know me.

"Examine them. Analyze their actions."
Caring, honest interest, acceptingness. I hate it when people ask how you are and then don't wait for a reply-if you don't want an answer, don't ask the question. At least pretend to be interested! I consider myself a listener (a blabber too, but generally a listener). People who listen and make a good show of it make people much more comfortable. IMHO

"And figure out how you can act in the same way towards others...And let us know what you've discovered as well!"
IY"H I'll try.



defen said...

I think I know one person like that. Not that I don't feel comfortable (to some degree or another) with the rest of my friends, but with this girl, it's been there since the beginning.
It's hard to say exactly why, but I believe it may be because of her honesty. She's so honest about herself, that I couldn't help but be honest with her. And I felt capable of making that leap into the "land of Trust" before really knowing her. Although it did feel weird to strip down some of the walls and shields in our first real conversation - that usually doesn't happen till much later on. (What can I say - Sternberg, motzsh"k, DMCs...)

Stx said...

Yeah, defen, Sternberg DMCs are good for making friends. And yet what's funny is that often the best and closest friends we have are precisely the ones that start out fake and slowly grow into something real...

Trw--Yeah. Throwing questions back at them in an attempt to make them feel more comfortable, and then really listening to their answers and caring...That makes sense. I'm b'n going to start looking out myself, trying to figure out what little things people do to *show* that caring. I'll b'n let you know what I discover...