I went to a shiur today for the first time in a long time. I went specifically because of the speaker, and I was not disappointed. When she spoke, I found myself transformed into a previous life. An old life of mine, idealistic and striving. And I realized that I've been stagnating. I realized what I should be doing, what my goals should be.
I realized that obsession with school does not a better me make, nor does it bring me closer to G-d. That the one thing that drives me, that makes me wax poetic (relatively, anyway), that makes me feel all full inside, is (dun dah dun): Torah. And DOING for my people.
And so, I resolve today, with you, my waning readership as witnesses, to focus on Reality. Or at least to try a little more than I've been trying.
Wish me luck! Or rather, הצלחה ;)
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Life has changed quite a bit. I'm still "a frum, female, actress, eternally grateful for the life in which I was raised," trying to follow the advice of Julia Blum and "Dream Big Dreams." My dreams might have changed a bit. Although theatre and manuscripts still play an important role within them, they're not always the main focus...
12 comments:
I sometimes feel like I'm stagnating too. I would like to get back to those shiurim that I use go to on tuesday nights.
Hatzlacha
Hey, funny -I've been feeling the exact same! Well, it's not exactly funny...
I went to a shabbaton recently and I couldn't stop thinking "Ohmygosh...Torah....Whoooaahhh...yeah...I'm Jewish...really...whoooahhh...this is awesome....Mitzvos..."
Sad. But, hey, at least it hit us -now the denial process can end and the changes can begin!
Lvnsm: It makes such a difference just to set aside un-interruptable time to do something Jewish...I usually have two appointments like that in my week, but I missed them both last week (actually a rare occurrance), so I was feeling pretty down...and thanks - you too!
Okee: Exactly!!
And hatzlacha to you as well!
Waning readership? Hmph. ;-)
Well, missy, considering your recent disappearing act...y'know, I miss you!
Hatzlacha rabba. I could use the same.
Hatzlacha!
Scraps: Then Hatzlacha to you!
Kasamba: Thanks!
B.: Meaning what, darling...?
It just occured to me that it sounds like I'm stopping blogging. I'm not. I just need hatzlacha in my real life - that's all!
And thanks to all who gave ;)
Did you know that Mrs. T** now teaches at Mich?!? Ah well..the times they are a'changin'...
**above post is actually about Mrs. T., right?
She does? What does that say about Mich? About her? Dunno...hmmm...
And yes, 'course. How'd you know?
You have such an interesting life, trw, and are questioning everything, which makes the journey ever so much more meaningful.
I am reading this book by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, YOU SHALL BE HOLY, which sets forth the distinction between ritual commandments and ethical ones. It is fascinating!
Thank you for all the kind words you leave on my gmail and blog. I really appreciate it!
Barbara: Thanks!
I'm not familiar with the book, but I'm glad you're enjoying - it sounds really interesting.
And you're welcome - I mean them.
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