Saturday, September 17, 2005

Boy? Crying?

I was sitting in class the other day, minding my own business (or rather, writing as fast as I can to keep up with the prof.), when I saw a male creature crying. It was weird. I got uncomfortable. He kept rubbing at his eyes, and every once in a while, his face would crumple and he'd cover it. It was scary, almost. I felt so bad, just being there and not being able to do something. (I wanted to give him a hug...but never fear, I held back ;) )

And I got to thinking (as I sometimes do). Why is it that we it's so much worse when guys cry then when girls do? I guess it's something to do with the whole masculinity thing..they try so hard not to show emotions that if something leaks through, it must be pretty bad.

It reminded me of a funeral I once went to (one of my first). It was a girl in my school, who had an anurism and suddenly died. I didn't realize the gravity of the situation until my principal stood up to be מספיד. And he started to cry. My unshakeable, infallable, pricipal...crying! Suddenly I realized how awful it was that this girl had been struck so young...

I don't know. I don't really have much to say about it. It was just a thought that struck me and I've been thinking about it. It affected I'm sharing it.

Why am I writing? I've finished an essay. I really should be doing research for my 7 pg. paper due on Rosh Hashana or my thesis...but I'm just gonna blog a bit before I disappear again. 'Cause...well...I'm an official quintessential nerd! ;)


defen said...

I'm reminded of a similar (albeit shorter) post of mine on the same subject.

At the risk of sounding completely traditional, perhaps it's because women expect men to be powerful, the pillars of strength in our lives. If a man can cry, the world must be a truly scary place, no?

Then again, I like to know that people have the capacity to cry, even if they choose not to exercise it. It frightens me when I meet people who cannot or refuse to cry.

leati said...

"Why is it that we it's so much worse when guys cry then when girls do?"

Maybe because you see girls crying much more often?

TRW said...

Yeah, you're both right. But I think it's 'cause men are afraid to show tears 'cause of the whole macho thing. When I see it, though, it reassures me that they DO have matter how much they try to hide it.

defen said...

Someone who doesn't cry because they think they're strong is, in my opinion, weak.

Karl said...

I just heard from a primary source (someone who was there himself every week):
Reb Chayim Shmulevitz used to give a vaad every Friday morning. every week the room was filled up with bochrim waiting to hear his word of inspiration, he would come in, take his place at the top of the table and cry. Sob for 15 minutes without saying a word. He would then give a 15 - 20 minute shmooze of musser / hisorerus / chizuk to the packed room.
If only there were men of his stature around today.

TRW said...


I once went to a speech on assimilation, and the rabbi giving the speech started crying as he told one specific story. His love for Klal Yisroel was so great that he couldn't bear the pain.

I was floored.

Jack's Shack said...

As a man let me say that this is not easy to do, at least for me crying is not something that I can turn on or off and if I feel it coming my instinct is to stop it immediately.

TRW said...

And that's why it's so much more poignant when it does come...'cause we know you're trying so hard not to.